A Softer, Gentler Black Woman, PLEASE!

As a black female, I have to admit that a lot of black women embarrass me. I cringe when I'm out at a restaurant, for example, and get seated near a table of black women. I know they are going to be loud, coarse and uncouth a lot of the time. It's true that a lot of black women have an attitude. Sad, but true. They have mean, defiant looks on their faces, ready for confrontation at the drop of a hat.

Why? Everyone knows that anger most times covers hurt. A lot of time it's because of a hard life, i.e., teen pregnancy, divorce, substance, physical and verbal abuse, unemployment/financial instability. Always trying to make a dime do for a dollar, as the old folks used to say. A lot is their own fault. Having baby after baby for Ray-Ray who refuses to marry her because "he a playa" and can't be tied down. I've heard so many black women say that their boyfriends refuse to wear a condom and they end up with pregnancy after pregnancy. The really stupid part is a lot of these women don't agree with abortion because it's "murder" but, can lay up and fornicate till the cows come home with one loser after another and have illegitimate children all over town! I am not pro-abortion. I don't particularly happen to care what irresponsible women do to their own bodies. But, black women need to please stop using that excuse when it comes to you not terminating a pregnancy.

Black women need to learn to be "softer". Stop all the loud talking and cursing, drawing negative attention to yourselves. Take off them big-ass earrings, talon-like false fingernails and multi-color hair extensions, to start. Stop wearing every piece of jewelry you own at one time. Just because you have 10 fingers doesn't mean you need to wear 10 rings. You don't need 3 and 4 gold necklaces on at one time either, with your ghetto-fabulous behind. Tone it way the hell down, ladies.

Then, they want to know why they can't attract any "good man". What really good man would be attracted to something like that, at least for long term? These women are not confined to a particular age group, either. No, it's not just the young "hootchies". You got some old-ass broads you haven't learned anything from their life's experience. Still talking trash after all these years. Still loud, crass and stupid.

It's terribly sad because they have daughters they're modeling this behavior for. There's a whole generation coming up just like them! They don't have to just be in the projects, "hood". I see them at work. Dressed inappropriately, the main objective being to "catch". A man, that is. They come to work wearing clothes a size or two too small, big booties, breasts and bellies showing every crease and wrinkle. No matter how tacky they look or how broke they are , they make sure to get those false nails done regularly. Why? Because, according to them, men think long nails are sexy. Okay. Living paycheck to paycheck with wrong priorities. Still trying to attract some loser. I guess it's really true that you can take these women out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of them. They continually pick the same kind of man over and over again. What do they expect? The men in their lives treat them the way they feel about themselves. Any self-respecting female would never accept a man telling them that they refuse to wear a condom when there are sexually transmitted diseases today that KILL. Instead, because they think so lowly of themselves, they are willing to put up with any behavior to keep Ray-Ray, Boo-Boo, or any other hood rat around.

The real terrifying thing is that they see absolutely, positively nothing wrong with their behavior. I see them in the street talking LOUD on their cell phones, screaming at their kids, ready to "go off" at the slightest provocation. I was in line at the grocery store and was staring at the black woman in front of me. I was staring at her handbag. It was a beautiful bag. She happened to turn around and catch my eye and asked me, "what the hell you starin' at?" I told her I was sorry and just shook my head. If I catch someone staring at me, hostile or otherwise, I simply turn away. Why confront someone because they're looking at you? It makes no sense. Sisters, I repeat, you need to tone it WAY the hell down. Now, this sort of behavior is not limited to black women only, as we all know. However, as a black woman, I find it appalling that no matter what anybody else does, we always seem to take it to another level.

Take a look at your educated, sophisticated sisters. Look and above all, learn. You can talk without shouting or using profanity. Wear clothes the right size and take off those hoop earrings the size of a hamburger bun. Stop "doing" Ray-Ray and then getting angry because he won't marry you and taking your anger out on anyone handy, most times your kids. And for God's sake STOP cracking that gum in public like a cow chewing her cud!!! It looks and sounds awful.

Whatever is that's eating you, get over it, get therapy, do whatever you need to do to have a kinder, gentler life and become more feminine. All this anger and stress is driving you to an early grave. Besides, your children are listening and learning.